just love her!!!

I am so glad I found this forum. I am going through the same things. My daughters (shes 11) father wouldn't bring her home last weekend. I told him I would call the police, but he said he didn't care as she didn't want to come home. She has told me this herself on the phone. I am praying she will change her mind, I split up with her father 9 years ago and he has caused so much trouble. He is so angry and verbally abusive.I know he just wants to keep her to get at me.....and now he has. I am devastated to think she doesnt want me anymore. God knows what he is telling her.
I was glad to find I wasnt the only one having these problems as its a very scary time. I am lucky to have a great mum and sister though that are so supportive.
He has called social services, spoken to her school, called the police on me ( I begged her to come home but she said she didnt want to and he practiacally dragged her away)...I am at a loss as to what to do, as I cant make her come home and she wont talk to me.
Thanks again everyone, Kara xxx

Hello, I am new here. I brought my only daughter up alone from her being 2 when her father and I divorced. He went abroad and my daughter had rare contact with him. Since he came back to the UK 10 years ago she has hardly spoken to him. We used to be very close until shewas about 13 then she became very difficult. She was expelled from two schools and got into drugs. She smashed my house up on several occasions - breaking windows and china and jewellry. I stuck by her although I thought about putting her in care. When she was 15 I met my husband. I think it was a very bad time for her and I should not have married, but I did. She hates my husband and calls him names/says he is violent to her - he did once push her after she pulled me to the floor and kicked me. She eventually got to University with a lot of support from me and I paid for her to do her degree, then an MA. She never stopped being abusive. Now she is 30 and I still try to help. I have bought her a flat and am emotionally and financially as supportive as I can be. She is much better. The physical violence has stopped. She is trying to be responsible financially and I have stopped giving her money. She is still often rude - calls me stupid regularly whenever she is frustrated. Sometimes she calls me worse names. She continually tells me I do not love her. She never says sorry for her rudeness or cruelty and always blames me for not getting on together. It has now been 17 years since this started and I don't know how I have got through it. She has many times said she wished she were dead and threatened suicide. My husband doesn't understand why I continue to have contact with her and gets angry so I do not mention her to him or him to her. I know you will tell me to walk away from her but I can't. On Saturday I am going to go to a local co-dependency group. Reading your posts is helpful.love Belann

I am a total newbie here, so please bear with me . I found this site while looking for ways to deal with my adult daughter, who really does seem to hate me. I relocated here 3 years ago to help her with her 3 children after a terrible abuse situation with the children's father, her ex husband. I knew it could be risky, but I wanted to help give these kids a chance for stability and security as well as help my daughter move on with her career. Are you thinking, ENABLER yet?
I had some savings and used it to help with things and acted as her nanny and personal assistant for the next three years, until she met a man online. At first he was nice, but suddenly he started taking control, being major disciplinarian of the children, convincing her to move to different house, and during that move, made it quite clear that I was no longer welcome. My daughter seemed to change, totally. She no longer wanted me to have anything to do with the house, and started acting very strange towards me. The boyfriend started being very verbally abusive to the children and I told her that was not acceptable, she needed to protect her children. I was then told to move out. Two weeks ago, she kicked me out with no money, which she had said she would repay me to get settled, locked me out before I had moved all my things out, all in front of these poor children. Now this daughter must REALLY hate me! How can someone turn so ruthless and cruel ?

Dear Xiaokaige
Not sure what you are on about. How can one be friends with someone, even a daughter when they wont talk to you and if or when they do it is lies, detremental accusations that are untrue. Please be more thoughtful before you reply

(((((((((((((((hadenough1)))))))))))
I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!! YEAHHHHHHHHHH!!! I to am moving forward still have my moments but will not fall prey to my daughters wicked ways and unlike you I still have heard nothing!1 Well actually no let me retract that! I had received a SPAM email from her email acct and I said to my husband her email address book must have been hacked. He said the hell with her dont waste your time telling her. But I decided no because I want to see what she does. So I sent her a short cold email. I said you better check your computer I am receiving strange emails from you and also some other addresses in your email address book so it looks like you may have been hacked. I didnt address her by name nor did i sign mom or anything. She responds back .....sorry my email address book was hacked last night. However When I sent it to her I did not say who the others hacked were. She clearly knew because instead of just responding to the email I sent her......She sent a reply to all like i was a just a no one. That was it for me! It proved to me that I am just a nobody to her. IF after 9 months she had any caring in heart it was her oppertunity at that point to even make small talk, being she saw I was kind enough to say Check your computer . So IM okay and slowly accepting she is a waste of my precious time and my big heart. SO please stay strong Hadenough we give each other strength. My only regret is I have no other children to share my life with. But I have some wonderful friends and thank god for them!!!!! Love you Stay WEll!!!! XOXOXOOXOX

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CaraBoo13

INTROVERT:
You sound great to me! I would give anything for my daughter to even want to call me! Your mom needs a wake up call she has no clue how lucky and blessed she is that you want to call her and tell her about your day. My daughter was wonderful for 30 years. Unfortunately once she met her hsband she became a stranger to every one in our family. She hates me mostly and has no valid reason why, At 39 years old she is hopeless. I feel bad for you because it sounds like you really do love your mom. I wish there was a way for her to see how much you care. I wish I had some good advice for you. All I can say is continue what you are doing and hope some day she gets a clue! Id give anything to tell her snap out of it and count your blessings! Many on here as with myself our children (or grown adults as many of them are) do not speak or see any of us! God Bless you and Best of Luck! And pls free to come and vent here anytime!!!

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CaraBoo13

Hi Everyone!

I'm an introverted daughter of a distraught mother. My mother was wonderful to me growing up! She provided for me, encouraged me, and helped me when I needed it. Currently I'm 23 and in graduate school.

My mother and I started having issues when I was about 14. I was a teen so it was to be expected, but what my mom could never really understand how introverted I was. I think at the time we both didn't recognize my introverted-ness.

Introverted Reading
http://www.carlkingdom.com/10-myths-about-introverts

My lack of communication and independence frustrated her. I always needed solitude and tended to keep to myself. I was contempt and self-assured.

My solitude has frustrated my mother. She "wants to be apart of my life" and "she knows I hate her". These are all statements to which she has made. I have told her countless times that I love her and she IS apart of my life. Of course!

By "apart of my life", my mother means calling her on the phone a couple times a week with gossip of my life and.... I'm not quite sure what else.
This seems easy, and I've have tried, but we get on the phone and I tell her about school and that's about it. I don't really socialize and I don't have many friends. When I do talk to her, she says I'm too intense, or doesn't even care what I'm talking to her about. This is frustrating for me, because who wants to talk to someone who doesn't care about what your saying? Especially when I'm making an effort to talk to her to make her happy. Simply, I know she just likes that I talk to her.

I communicate with people well and in fact I am a great public speaker. I just prefer to be by myself or with my boyfriend.

My solitude and lack of socializing has put my mom in a frenzy and I don't know what to do. I am what I am. I try so hard to make her feel like she's apart of my life, but it's all in vain. The way I see it, I don't have to explain that I love her or that she is apart of my life. She should know that! (not to mention that I've stated during her multiple breakdowns)

She claims to this day that "I hate her", when I tell her that's not true and that I love her. Her self destruction kills me. If she would only grasp that I'm simply introverted.